So You Want To Be A Model?

Fine. So does everyone. But making it big in Modelland is much harder than you may think. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about (suuure). Being a BYT (Bright Young Thing) comports many rules you absolutely have to follow if you want to be SRF (Sexy Rich and Famous. Okay, I'm done with the stupid shortnings). As, for example, being DDG (Drop Dead Gorgeous. I'm done now, I swear).

Of course, I'll be nice and indulgent and give you the recipe to success ; (Which I of course also happen to follow and that's why you can see me literally everywhere right now like OMG Jeez) or, in this case, you could even say (that's the part where I drop a higly-complicated-nerdy-awesome latin word so your inferior-ness jumps at your face and "lève le voile sur ton ignorance".OKay, some french is good too) the..... cursus honorum. (told you it was awesome)

1. Be tall, skinny and pretty, it'll already make things easier. But if you happen to be short for model-height (A normal height by us, poor normal humans, say 175, is considered short in ModelLand), you gotta have IT to compensate.What It is, nobody actually knows,just like no one knows what there really is in your cheeseburger but whilst nobody knows,everyone keeps saying/eating it. So let's say IT stands for a specific Little something. It might either be an angry Siamese cat face (Sasha) , long bangs that keep going into your eyes and annoying you but you don't care, you got attitude yo (Irina) , a rock'n'roll androgynous vibe with short peroxide blond hair (Agynesss) , having literally 0 grams of fat and being famous for illustrating "When is thin too thin" articles (Snejana), gorgeous big wide set blue eyes contrasting with your long brown hair (Darla Baker) and, the most famous and the best-working, being a bleached anorexic cokewhore (do I really need to drop the name?)

2. The attitude. A model without attitude, is like a Bojana without her red nails. Or, nothing. Assume yourself, strut your stuff down the runway like you're the queen of Oompa-Loompas (which is seriously the greatest privilege of them all), i all your arrogance and beauty. Backstage, be proud of who and what you are. Never look at your feet. Head high. Stand straight. Be a bitch.

3.If you are already tall, there's only one thing left. Be skinny (of course) and pretty. If by any chance you come from the Czech Republic, no problem.But you other lovelies better beware of the Eastern European, the bitches have taken over the modeling world. Yes, indeed, being a long legged beauty with long golden locks just as if you came out of the Sleeping Beauty definitely helps.Oh, and if you have an unpronounceable name the length of your legs,such as Anna Mariya Urazhevskaya, be pretty sure most of the hard work is done. Think Anja,Hana, Tanya and the likes.

4.You got style. Dress to impress. Call it whatever you want, but as a model, working in the fashion industry and not knowing how to dress or having a style of your own is a good ticket to go back where you came from. But have no worries, being surrounded by designers and beautiful clothes will help. Tutus, slut lace tights, vintage, anything is good. But always remember, you have to shine by your presence and wear the clothes, not let them wear you. That's what your job is all about, right?

5.Let's face it, all models smoke, and so must you. Caring about lung cancer, your health? Come on, that cliché is so last year. You're young and pretty, who the hell cares about cancer? That's , like, for old people, right? So do it the most dramatically you can, all the time, always , everywhere. Chainsmoking with your other nicotine-addict gorgeous friends is like so hot right now, plus, it keeps you thin. Besides, Marc Jacobs put it on a sweatshirt in his latest collection, so it can't be that bad, can it?

6.If you're a lucky bitch and have all of the above except, unfortunately a classic beauty,don't worry, freaks are good too. Wide set eyes, alien features, cat similarities, mannish strong jaws,anything works. Sometimes, a unique face is more interesting than a plain pretty one. Do note : unique, yes, ugly, no. Looking like a bind turtle is not considered as unique, so if you do, sorry but NO WAY.

7.Now that you have all you need in your hands to become a supermodel, remember : HAVE FUN!